It is a truth universally acknowledged that the holidays present an obligation to spend time with one’s extended family, eating turkey and enduring hours of guilt trips from the people one is contractually obligated to love, by means of genetics.
To that, our family formally releases itself from this enforcement.
After realizing that turkey is bland and dry, forced conversation ending in empty meaning and wasted time, and feeling as though celebration is required, regardless of the actual opinion of all involved, we have decided to divorce ourselves from this experience, hereby known as “tradition.”
Hence forth, we will only be spending holidays at our own home, doing and wearing what we please. We will be kind to one another, as we are every other day of the year. Most importantly, we will ask all participating members their favorite food, and we will eat that, because we can. If our Christmas dinner is pizza, mac and cheese and chicken nuggets, all the better, for we will know that we are happy, albeit not traditional.
You are welcome to join us. We will no longer be joining you. The holidays are a time to enjoy one’s family, and we are allowed to be with ours that we have chosen and created ourselves.
We hold these rights to be self evident, that all families are created equal, and our happiness matters.